What is it I want in life? I want to be happy but there’s this twang and gut wrenching feeling that makes my heart hurt and stomach feel wary. Like there’s something holding me back from moving forward with my goals. I realized I’m nothing like what people think of me or rather nothing like what I show people of me. People might think they know who I am but they don’t - cliche I know but no one really does. I lean on myself and it’s such a struggle. I want to know it’ll get better. When everyone you think you can turn to tells you it’s nothing to worry about or it’s not as bad as they have it - it’s pretty hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel. Everyone has problems I just wish there would be someone to listen and worry about me. I’ve been shitty and I’ve been a bitch and I wish I could change what I’ve done but I can’t. As days go on I get stuck in this rut more and more and pretty soon I’ll be done with trying and that scares me more than anything.